Now, don't tell anyone, but, two residents of the Royal Botanical Gardens, Syd and Dom, after whom The Domain in Sydney was named, have got lockeddown within the security wall. But, no worries, the soon to arrive APEC VIPs are quite safe as Syd and Dom wouldn't have a clue what an APEC was/is all about..
		Title APEC IN OUR DOMAIN ©EMO 2007
	1	SYD Snort, growl, cough!
		Syd has been awakened this magnificent dawn by galah poo and bats' pee dropping onto his cardboard abode.
		SYD "You awake Dom? Been quiet 'round 'ere since they put that wall up, eh!"
	2	Dom's sheet of corrugated iron a'la Glenn Murcutt, has sweeping views across the Botanical Gardens to the glistening harbour.
		DOM Too right cobber. Been no one around to bludge a dollar off!" Bloke's got a bit of a thirst needs attending to, too.
		Installment #02
	3	Syd and Dom breakfast at the only bin left in the lockdown area.
		SYD Not much in here Dom. Reckon we might duck up to Gov.House tonight for a bit of nosh.
		DOM Yeah. Hey! bloke's comin'.
		DOM I know this joker.
		DOM G'day! Remember me? I bumped into ya up the Cockodour. "Piss off!" I said to ya, "Or I'll stick me bayonet up yer arse." Eh, ya remember? I look a bit different now, but ya must remember me.
		SYD Don't think he remembers ya, Dom.
		DOM Sure he does. Geez he could run.
		DOM 'specially when I did stick me bayonet in ya bum, eh mate!
		DOM Syd, meet this bloke I know.
		DOM Whatcha name, mate?
		BLOKE Mr Shinzo Abe
		DOM Naw, don't need the mister 'round 'ere.
		DOM Syd, meet Shinny he's a real fast runner.
		SYD G'day. Can ya lend me a dollar fer a drink, ol' cobber? You'll get it back pension day. Quiet, aintcha. Cat gotcha tongue?
		SYD Dom, No good bein' a fast runner if ya can't talk much. If yer a fast runner y'd wanta blab about it, wooncha, eh!
		DOM Sharin' some tucker always breaks the ice, don't it Shinny, have this bit of Macca. Few chips too, eh.
		DOM Here, come sit on the bench. Aw, sorry, sore arse, eh!
		Installment #03
	4	After knockin' off the dog's dinner at Gov.House, Syd and Dom wander off home for an early night.
		DOM Don't look now Syd but a great bloody plane just missed landin' on ya box.
		SYD Bloody hell!
		SYD Hey you! Ya great galah! Yeah, you in the big boots and cowboy hat, piss off outa here, ya drongo. Ya coulda flattened Gov.House ... and me box.
		DOM Wouldna hurt me Glenn Murcutt but Syd.
		SYD Na, yer right, it's flat already.
		DOM That bloke, he's sorta wavin' at us.
		SYD Funny lookin' wave if ya ask me, reckon he's havin' a bit of a go at us.
		SYD Yeah, same to you ya dopey lookin' bastard.
		DOM He's just kicked the dog's arse.
		SYD Mongrel....
		With that, Syd and Dom retired for the night.
		Insallment #4
		Come the crack of dawn, Syd stirs from his slumber...
		SYD STREWTH! There's a bloke here in me box. Long brown nose, and purple lips. Empty Grange bottle in his hand.
		DOM Snort, growl, cough!... eh?
		SYD Get outofit yer mug. This is a single box.
		SYD Who are ya anyway? Yer all wet!
		BLOKE Not sure. I've got a headache.
		DOM Who's this joker, Syd?
		SYD your guess is as good as mine?
		SYD Where ya from, mate?
		BLOKE I think I was having dinner with The President of the United States last night.
		SYD Aw, Yeah, and I'm Julius Caesar. See me mate here, he's Napoleon.
		BLOKE Hang on, I remember something. I live across the harbour. A rather homely, cuddly looking woman was rowing me home, I think.
		SYD Don't tell me, lemme guess, thought ya might pork 'er by the Pinchgut. eh!
		DOM Yrah, stood up, waggled the ferret, an' fell in the drink.
		BLOKE That's right. I fell off the back. Must have bumped my head, Can't remember who I am.
		SYD That's why yer wet? Thought it was too much plonk.
		SYD Well ya can't stay here, unless ya get yer own box. Try 'round the back of Ikea. My box is an Ikea - pretty good, eh! Vikings. They make good boxes.
		SYD They made the Uproar House, a Viking bloke, wasn't it Dom?
		DOM Yeah, Liv Ullmann.
		SYD Y'know Dom, I reckon there'll come a weekend when the Vikings, and China, will take over the world. What these real smart buggers will do is, y'know is when ya get their stuff it's just loose in a box and ya gotta put it together yerself...
		DOM That so Syd?
		SYD Yeah...well they'll know when everyone on Earth will be tryin' to figure out directions, wondering where the left over bits shoulda gone and pullin' stuff apart and tryin' to put all sortsa stuff together for the tenth time...
		DOM yeah.
		SYD ...well, when everyone's got their heads down they'll attack. Billions of Vikings and Chinese will race into backyards everywhere and take over.
		DOM Yeah, gotcha Syd. But not us, eh. They won't catch us tryin' to put useless stuff together, no way.
		SYD Listen Dom, we can't have this joker hangin' 'round here. Better find out who he is and get rid of 'im.
		SYD Hey, you there. We're gonna take ya up to Gov.House, find someone who can help ya.
		So, Syd and Dom took an armpit each and dragged this decrepit looking intruder with big glasses and bushy eyebrows, up the Gov.House lawn to arrive just as the milko parked his truck right at the front door, crates loaded with bottles with burning wicks sticking out the tops.
		Installment #05
		DOM It's a bomb!
		SYD Yeah! Worst lookin' bloody truck I've ever see. Can't have that parked in front of Gov.House.
		SYD Move that bomb of your's outa the way, ya milko mug.
		DOM He's not listenin', Syd. Just noddin' back an' forth, mumblin an' tickin'.
		SYD Right!
		Syd grabs the milko by his balaclava and bomb belt and throws him out onto the lawn where Dom grapple tackles him.
		SYD Dom, you watch Mr.Forgetful an' the milko while I dump the truck.
		Syd drives the truck down the lawn into the harbour, where it blows up the Manly Ferry.
		DOM Hey, Syd, that dumbo from the Jumbo's comin' down the lawn doin' his silly wave at nobody....now he's comin' over 'ere.
		The dumbo from the Jumbo kicks the milko in the behind.
		DOM He's kicked the milko in the arse.
		SYD Good kick. Where'd ya learn that? AFL?
		DUMBO FROM THE JUMBO Dint learn it. I'm a natural. World champion arse kicker.
		SYD Shit! Next thing yer gunna tell us yer the President of the United States, he's the world champion arse kicker.
		DUMBO FROM THE JUMBO That's me, he-he!
		DOM Don't turn ya back on 'im Syd.
		SYD Then if yer the President then you had dinner with this joker last night?
		DUMBO FROM THE JUMBO That's right, he's the Prime Minister of Austria. We had dinner, me, Congo, the PM there and his wife Janet.
		SYD Right. Well, if ya know 'im then ya wouldn't mind takin' 'im off our hands, wouldya? He's a bloody nuisance around 'ere. Where ya stayin'?
		DUMBO FROM THE JUMBO The Walledoff.
		SYD Whatcha mean, 'the Walledoff'? The whole flamin' place is walled off. How's the beer there?
		DUMBO FROM THE JUMBO Great! The best...oops!
		SYD Triffic! We'll give ya a hand with 'im.
		DOM What'll we do wth the milko, Syd?
		SYD Chuck 'im in the harbour.
		Dom throws the milko into the harbour and blows up the Chippendale's Hens Night Out Ferry that's loaded with raver passengers of Mediterranean persuasion.
		Conclusion
		Syd and Dom were last seen shooting through on a Bondi tram with the partners of APEC leaders, heading out to the Bondi Icebergers for a game of nude handball ... Premier morris Minor tore down his wall, the APEC inmates took off for home before the NSW Police FARCE could catch them and beat them to a Tassie (pulp) ... a homely and cuddly woman rowed over from Kirribilli to collect her hubby ... Pip (Mandarin) Rudd went off to gatecrash a meeting of the Fraternal Order of Lap Dancers. Next get-together of APEC will be in Peru - Don't miss APEC UP THE ANDES coming to a cinema near you.